Let’s talk about the Friend Zone…

  • By thebugpodcast
  • 16 Feb, 2017

Ain't No Friend Zone, Bih.. By Danielle Jones

I liken the Friend Zone to unicorns dancing on a bed of clouds filled with care bears shining their hearts across the sky. The Friend Zone is nonexistent fam. Before we delve into cartoonish level fiction, lets first define what the Friend Zone is. According to Google, (because we do our research around here) the Friend Zone is a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other. More often than not, one person is typically unaware of these feelings. The one who bears the feelings sticks around with the hope that the other person will miraculously come to their senses and take note of how awesome a person he or she is and live happily ever after. It’s a poorly thought out, long game strategy that produces little to no results. Though being in the Friend Zone is gender neutral, we’re going to focus on relationships in which the male is placed in the Friend Zone. Guys take notes and apply what you’re about to read so you don’t end up in this make believe place called the Friend Zone.

So how exactly did you get to this place? Let’s examine that for a minute. You’ve either stated how you felt and she didn’t feel the same, or you were nervous about being rejected and settled for a friendship. Either way you have settled for something less than what you want. The main reason the Friend Zone isn’t real is because you’re not in it for a true friendship. You have an ulterior motive. Think about it – do you really desire your true friends? Do you secretly hope that your true friends will want to be romantic with you, have sex with you? Are you texting your true friends “good morning” daily, or going out of your way to do things to get noticed in a non-friendship type way? The answer is no. The difference is intent. Your intention is to move up the ladder from a platonic friend to friends with benefits, or her boyfriend. This is completely acceptable. However, don’t pretend you’re not using the “let’s be friends” line as a means to manipulate your way into a relationship. This long game strategy is not based on obtaining a genuine friendship. You’re not being there for her or listening to her problems because you want to be her friend. The whole notion is predicated on a lie. As you’re listening you’re thinking, “maybe this is my in”. Truthfully, that is predatory type behavior, which, in actuality, is sickening. You’re essentially using a vulnerable moment to advance yourself to the next level. Meanwhile she’s reaping the benefits of free food, completed honey do lists and a shoulder to cry on. Though I’ve deviated from the point, you get my drift. The woman is thinking you are friends, while you’re plotting, making this the epitome of a fake friendship.

This place you’ve put yourself in is totally of your choosing. One complaint that’s constantly reiterated is, “ here I am, a good man, and you aren’t noticing me!”   Pause. Notice you for what? A life-long friendship which you agreed to and in some cases stated you wanted? Don’t assume that because you’re a good guy and you’re interested that a woman should automatically want to be with you.

1) Being a good guy is relative.

2) You may just not be good for her.

3) This is a false sense of sexual entitlement.

Stop it! This is a victim statement and probably why she doesn’t like you to begin with. Women like men that take charge, not pessimistic creatures they have to tell what to do. You’re not a victim, nor do you have to accept being a friend when you want more. Newsflash buddy – you have the power to make a decision about what it is that   you   want. You don’t have to settle for a last place, or the “Look mom, I’m passively participating in my life” award. On one hand, you can take a passive approach to get her attention by making yourself less available, attempting to create jealousy, or pretending to be less interested. Or, you can be a man and tell her how you feel. Be an active participant in your life and don’t allow others to make decisions for you. If she’s not interested in being more than friends with you, the Greek god of a man you are, then obviously she doesn’t think rationally and you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

Instead of pining over a woman that doesn’t want you, go out there and find someone that does. You’re awesome because you’re you. Recognize and believe that. There’s no need to try to force yourself on someone. Unless you’re Bill Cosby, then by all means get that cocktail ready. But since you’re an awesome individual with morals, move on. You deserve reciprocity. Settling for a fake friendship hoping she will take interest in you is a set up for failure. You don’t need another friendship. You need someone to love you as much as Rihanna loves weed.

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